FEAR!!! I woke up at 5:39 this morning and after tossing and turning on a turd trying to decide whether I would do anything about it, I finally sat up in bed and weighed my options. You see, I successfully navigated 3 days at home on my own, showering, walking around and going to the bathroom without any help. But in here, I am told that I MUST have assistance doing all of this. I have to ring theĀ bell and wait for someone to come and watch me do what I’ve done all this time.

For the first time this morning, I gave into THEIR fear and asked for help. It was partially because the nurse caught me walking to the bathroom. So I asked her for assistance. After she followed me right into the shitter, I had to say, “I’m good from here” to her to get her to leave. She told me before she left that I needed to call for help when I was done. At least I was given the dignity of doing my business on my own.

What does this have to do with fear? As a parent I’m very familiar with the child who constantly asks “why?” You may be too. Often times, although not always, it has to do with trying to hold them back from something we deem harmful or dangerous. We want to prevent their damage, but in the process seem to also prevent their success. We take their risk on ourselves and hold them back, good or bad. Really, if we love them, we always have to balance holding them back with letting them go. It’s kind of delicate. In the end, it’s about hoping they know the potential for risk and can make good decisions with good information. And pray!!!

So what if an adult like myself knows the potential risk and chooses to forge ahead? What if I know the potential risks but choose to push on fearlessly? Could it not be my choice? In an era of litigation, it appears not. 50% of what they do seems to me about covering their backsides. Of the remaining 50%, it is about fitting my needs in around a slough of other needy people. I don’t fault them. They are only people after all. People who have grown impervious to “why?”. Or so it seems to me.

So what did I do? I pulled the help cord, walked back to my bed and waited 5 minutes for the nurse to come and lecture me. It was my risk to take.