The day is coming! I have been following instructions and doing the exercises, making sure to tell my caregivers and therapists what changes I sense in myself no matter how small. I continue to go to their carefully crammed in appointments for me, even though while I’m there I compete for their attention with a handful of others that are always scheduled to be their at the same time, so I never really have their undivided attention to take care of my recovery.

I suppose that if I allowed myself the twisted luxury of being negative about all of this, I would have plenty of fuel for the fire of self pity and weaponry to lash out at them for not giving me the attention I am due when showing up to an appointment with them. After all, it’s  fairly safe assumption that if a patient has made and kept an appointment with a doctor, that appointment is supposed to be there for the patient that made and kept that appointment. No? But I choose to see these appointments that turn out to be overbookings as an opportunity. You heard me right. Why would I not want to determine my own health and well being in spite of what my caregiver is able to do for me? I don’t go to these appointments for their sake after all; I go because it is for my benefit! So I had better make it for my benefit at all times, whether the caregiver is spending all their time with me or not.

Just yesterday, I was busy working on a machine for leg lifts to build up strength and duration in my weakened leg. As I was busy doing my routine, I was able to overhear a priceless conversation. The whole time I was working on my routine, a gentleman who had the look of a lost puppy had been sitting on one of the stretching beds and watching what was going on. Finally, in the open format of the gym that is a part of phsiotherapy, a therapist came over and sat down beside him. His questions were simple and pointed. He asked, “Why have you been sitting here and doing nothing? Do you not know what you need to do?” The patient responded, “I was waiting for someone to come over and tell me that I should start.” Really? Apparently he knew what to do, and that he was there to do that very thing, but he needed someone to come and tell him to start. The flash of guilt went through me very quickly as I had come in, looked around for my physiotherapist, and when I didn’t see him I had started my routine without being told. No excuses, no fear, no holding back doing what I knew I needed to do for myself! I can absolutely take charge of doing my part in the process of regaining my health. I don’t need someone else telling me that I should do things to restore my health. I am absolutely able to simply get at it!

When my therapist finally found me and came over to talk, he said this to me. He said, “We have been talking about what it is that we provide for you here in the rehab ward, and it isn’t much anymore. If you can recreate these exercises and routines for yourself in a home gym or at a local recreation center, then there is no more need for us to have you come in here. We can become a resource for you when you need us. You are basically doing your own thing here anyway.” This is all music to my ears… my team of therapists set free to help those that don’t realize that they are driving their own recovery and instead need coaching and encouragement to do the very things that they KNOW will do them good. And as for me, well I can have more freedom to do those things as well, but freedom to self determine when and where I do them. It may be very soon that I will be free of appointments at the hospital, but with the continued privilege of making appointments of my own choosing so that I could go to my helpers and get expertise from them as needed.

I like it. I like it alot!