Physio today was exceptionally hard work. I started it by saying, “okay now, let’s see if I can make this meat wagon do what you want me to make it do.”

It took me a while after to explain that I didn’t see myself as my body. It is only the “horse” I was given to ride. I told her my person was much deeper inside. She is only assessing the impact of the stroke on the meat wagon, not the person.

I see my “stroked” roommates and their “person” gets locked up in a broken body after this type of event and frustrated completely, leaving the rest of us working overtime trying to reach the person inside and figure out what they are trying to say. It makes me heartbroken for them, but so grateful for what I don’t have to deal with.

So every day I keep walking like the drunk in the convenience store on my way to the corndogs trying to hide that I’ve had too much to drink, even though my Physio therapist says I’m walking “gorgeous”. They took away all my walking aids so I don’t learn any “bad habits” when I relearn a walking gate. My speech therapist also told me that recovery for me in my speech is time and it’s so small that I didn’t need to follow through if I didn’t feel the need. So that frees me up to pursue more physiotherapy for my walking, etc.

What all this means to me is that I have been graciously given a ticket for speeding and need to adjust my life habits and take care of my meat wagon a bit better. Or at least be aware that I don’t get anywhere without it, so find ways to bring it along in a more healthy fashion. By the way, if you haven’t had your blood pressure tested, you need to. And if it’s not good, do something about it before you have to face a challenge like this. It’s not something you would choose. Trust me on that one.

One last thing that I learned today is that when retraining any and all muscles in the body to do as you wish them too, the most overworked muscle is the sphincter.