The snow presses down the mountainside in a valiant attempt to remind us that winter is coming.

And then the sun struggles to shine through the clouds for the rest of the afternoon. Kind of confusing. Oh well, par for the course of my life right now.

In physiotherapy this morning, I found myself responsible for my own advocacy once again. It’s too confusing to explain how it works there, so I’ll abbreviate for you. It seems like every time I go, I’m being tested to see how much I can handle. What came out today was the reason for this. I keep progressing. You heard that right. Every time I go in, I’m further ahead than where they expect me to be, so they re-test me to see where I’m at.

This might seem good, and don’t get me wrong, it is good. And I’m glad that I’m moving forward. It’s just that physio is not that useful for me. In my quiet contemplation on things just yesterday, I realized that I had been walking so close to the edge of “I just don’t care anymore” that I needed to get away from there! There’s always a danger of slipping over that edge if you keep walking so close.

So I made this issue abundantly clear to the physiotherapist who is working with me and he offered to start working on some next level stuff for me.

The main concern for them when dealing with stroke patients is that in the process of injury to the brain, there is almost always a loss of self awareness and being able to set reasonable limits. My roommate who was given an exercise and obsessed on it for 20 minutes straight until he dropped his affected arm and couldn’t find it anymore (it was still attached but he had no concept of where his arm had gone once his good hand was no longer holding it).

I didn’t lose that part of my brain. Just one more thing to be thankful for. Maybe by Thursday they will have a workout plan that doesn’t keep me so close to the edge of “I just don’t care anymore”. That’s a hopeful thing to look forward to.